Speaking of old, have I mentioned Grandpa McLeod? He is pretty funny, clothed or otherwise. I don’t really know where to start. Maybe I’d better just use point form:

1. He wakes up when it’s still dark, thinks it’s morning, and phones me to come downstairs and have Raisin Bran with him. Actually, it’s Raisin Bran mixed with Shreddies and All Bran. It’s impossible to have too much fiber when you’re almost 91.
2. Actually, he phones me all day long. He’ll tell me about what he is reading in the newspaper, or how he’s watching Dr. Phil and how he can’t understand kids these days, or he’ll ask me to come downstairs to read a telephone number for him, or find his pen, or fill his water bottle.
   
3. Speaking of water bottles, I’m not sure that he’d ever used one before last week. He asked if he could use “one of those water bottle things Roxanne uses,” as if they had just been invented. Now he carries it from place to place in the room with him. So cute. Strangely enough, he understands computers and all sorts of mechanical things that are beyond me. One story I have heard at least 3 times is how the first iron bridge was made (“200 years ago, and it’s still standing!”).
4. His eyebrows can literally touch the tip of his nose.
5. He is still quite sharp mentally, but he does tend to tell the same stories over and over. For example, the story of how he met his second wife: “Gladys was standing at church greeting people, holding 2 balloons. I took the pin out of my lapel—I carried a pin in my lapel in those days, but I don’t anymore, because they’re too sharp—and popped her two balloons. She said: ‘young man! I’ll have you know those balloons were for my nephews!’ I was a bit embarrassed. So, the next week I learned her address, and I sent her two balloons—or was it 10? I don’t know, some number of balloons—in the mail. She must have thought: that young man is on the ball.” On the ball? Balloons in the mail isn’t on the ball. Balloons in the mail is balloons in the mail.
6. “Terrorists are always trying to take over some country” (this was passing commentary while watching the news).
7. The best trips are when we visit the doctor. The appointments have never been longer than 10 minutes, but for some reason the trip is always 3 hours long. It might be because we usually have to stop at 2-3 places, and each stop takes at least 30 minutes, even if it is just to use the washroom. This is mostly because he tries to make friends with every single person who gives him the chance (i.e., by standing beside him, or by looking at him). He usually succeeds, too. He is full of puns, and combo-puns, which he has memorized for specific situations, such as ordering food at a restaurant. These are all probably funny, if you haven’t heard 10 in a row. The best, however, is when we go to the old folks’ diner, “Rickie’s”. It’s like a black hole for old people. It pulls in every old person in a three-mile radius for lunch, even if it's only 11:15. We are old, you will be assimilated, resistance is futiiiiiile. Then, he introduces me to everyone he knows: “this is a choice young man, he is courting my granddaughter.” Hahaha! He really says that. I don’t even know what courting is.
   

P.S. For the record, G-Pa is really nice and sincere in every way, and none of this is meant to reflect negatively on him. I wrote, and embellished, it only for the sake of humour and because everyone can relate to old people stories, except for old people, because they are forgetful.