On the Tastiness of Holy Poultry

The current moon phase, if I were to look at it and understand it more than not at all, might tell me that I have not posted here in nigh onto 3 months. On the other, non-lunar hand, I could just check the date of the last post. *Awkward silence while I struggle with simple math* Yes, it's true! You've been Plankton-free for six fortnights, and how brilliantly your teeth shine for it!

These forty days and forty nights, and forty more days and nights, and then just ten more tiny little extra days and nights, have seen many things afoot, and subsequently underfoot, squished like the irrelevant detritus that they are. Yes, they've been packed like some sort of small, salty fish in an appropriately cramped receptacle. One such thing is that I finished my practicum on May 9th. The second half was a lot more difficult than the first. This was because the third class that I took on had a flock of ne'er-do-wells, and they ne'er did any well. Still, I finished the practicum with appropriately airborne colours. That was May 9th. I was hired by the district up here at the end of May, and I've been doing a lot of substitute teaching since. I've taught about 9 days so far. Given that I was trained in high school English, it makes perfect sense that I've mostly been teaching Elementary French Immersion. But that's what they need, and I've been having a lot of fun doing it. It's really nice to get my foot in the door before summer, and to get my hands dirty, too. (Editor's note: Skip the next paragraph.)

Wait, what's going on? How can I have a foot and two hands through the door? Am I balancing on my other leg? Isn't it getting tired? And how did my hands get dirty so fast? What kind of a door has a pile of garbage directly behind it? They warned me about the physical conundrums that can arise from mixing metaphors, but no, I didn't heed them; I just yelled: "That's how the cookie crumbles when you're up the creek without a paddle! Enjoy your soggy cookies, suckers!" Now I see that I was wrong; I am the one stuck between a rock and a ... snowball in hell, and it's all rocky and ... melting.

OK, I’m glad you skipped that last paragraph; you're better for it. Let’s see, so, yeah, we’ve got most of our stuff ready for the wedding. We’re going to have Hutterite turkeys on the menu, among other things. I’m excited about this because there’s nothing better than eating poultry that has strong moral values. Some of those are bound to transfer into me, right? There must be some kind of gastrointestinal, ethical osmosis. It’s really the only chance I’ve got. Hmmm, yeah, well, imminent damnation aside, things are quite copacetic up here. We even went on a little trip to see some bands play. Rock was going to write about that, though, and I don’t want to steal her Thumper. Bambi would probably get upset, too, and I don't want to give that poor little guy a hard time. He's been through a lot. The trip was nice, though, and I've been sailing happily since then, like a peanut butter catamaran on a ... sea of toasty goodness.